Chapter 182: Sacrifies
The silence dragged between us, and I could feel a murderous intent, but it wasn’t directed at me.
"Sloane has gone too far. She might have been under my protection, but I won’t condone her attempt to harm the royal body and destroy our future. Her actions are unacceptable," the Dowager said.
"Is that your way of saying you had no hand in poisoning me?" I tested the waters. "It’s safe thinking on my part that I assume you and Sloane tried to end me. Targeting a woman’s womb is beyond wicked, don’t you agree, Mother?"
She smirked. "How malicious of you to think I’d subject myself to such a method. Damon has stepped down as crown prince, which means there is no heir. Why’d I try to kill you and ruin everything? You’re the goddess chosen, which means it’s you or no one else. Whether I want it or not, you’re my hope to save the Balthar lineage."
I see.
I signalled the handmaid to pour me tea, and I took a sip without breaking eye contact with her. "Which means you’ll be present during the trial, right, mother?"
She sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, I have to. Her crimes are great, and immediate action is required. You should handle this quickly before the members of her household decide to take action. House Altherin is daring."
"It must be heartbreaking. You thought of Sloane as a daughter, and now you stand as her enemy. You’ll sit by me as I pass her judgment, how poetic."
"Times change."
"Yes, but I must admit I expected you to defend her. She kept screaming that she had your support. I think she believes that you’d come to her rescue, the woman she sees as her mother for years."
The Dowager swallowed a lump in her throat and closed her eyes as a feeling overwhelmed her. She may be a heartless old woman, but it seems like that organ still beats. Pathetic.
"She may have been the piece you needed for the future you envision, but over the years, you have grown to love her as your own. It must hurt."
"You know nothing..." She opened her eyes and pinned me with a dark look. "You know nothing," she reprised more heavily.
"Do you feel guilty acknowledging that you might have loved her as a daughter?"
"Does it matter? She was perfect, she was always perfect, and yet she went ahead and—" she couldn’t even finish as her teeth clenched tightly.
"Diana was perfect, too, but you chose to see imperfections. She may have been unable to activate her moonblood, and in your eyes, she was less. But you’d kept her by your side and loved her—"
"Making me a villain, becoming repetitive, when you know nothing of what I had to endure and the burden of carrying such a great empire on my shoulders."
"You’re right, I know nothing of your struggles, perhaps I may never know it."
"Good, then let’s—"
"I thought only stepmothers were wicked mothers, but it seems sharing blood can be wicked too..." I glanced to the side, lost in thought. "Are all mothers cruel? Will I be cruel when I become a mother? Is that the universal way of parenthood?"
I veered my gaze back to her. "If that’s the way... I don’t wish to become a mother."
Her gaze dropped, and her fist clenched tightly. "I pushed her aside for her own good. We had enemies, and I needed to keep the court from tearing itself apart; they would have used anything to bring me down and separate me from Diana. Pushing her away and declaring she was unfit to show to society was the best decision. If I were brought back to that moment, I’d make the same decision without hesitation."
I have heard of this once, from Osha. She said the royal home was very unstable during the times of war. The previous monarch had left for war, and Drevon, the crown prince, was gone too.
Prince Damon went away into solitude because of his unstable tendencies, so the weight fell on the queen consort; her rule was questioned, and it was almost the collapse of the royal family. It was that moment she had to step up and make extreme decisions.
The pressure must have been too much. I guess in her own twisted way, she was trying to protect Diana because of her defect.
I chuckled, but it was a lifeless sound. " The Balthars, the most powerful Lycan family in the realm, had everything and more, yet there wasn’t enough love, only duty. Maybe we’re all cursed to choose duty before love. I should be glad I was born a bastard because I know nothing of the norms."
"Hmph! You cocky girl, as if that will change anything. You’re queen now, lucky enough that the pressure of war is not upon you, but the pressure is all the same. Millions have their eyes on you now."
"You speak as if my fate is sealed in their hands."
"When I was made queen, I was taught to put my empire first; it was the way of things. That my love should only be given to my people. It didn’t feel right because I loved my husband too much, and we made a promise to each other to give our children love to break that vicious cycle."
I was stunned by her words, but I didn’t say anything.
"As I said earlier, youth is a wonderful thing, you make all the promises and dreams in the world like some fairytale. However, this is not a fairytale, this is reality, the sooner you open your eyes, you realise this world is not a bed of roses but a bed of thorns."
She slammed her fist against the table.
"Where is that promise now? The pressure of doing what you think is right for the empire will eat away at you. The sacrifices you must make. Being the center of everyone’s eyes will demand nothing but perfection. When your own children’s destiny becomes so much bigger than yours that you seal away your emotions and become steel to ensure they meet it."