Chapter 381: Half drowned
ARIA
The rain fell harder, like the sky itself wanted to drown out the sound of our breathing. Everything inside that car felt too small, too suffocating, and when Kael looked at me with that cold, broken disbelief in his eyes, something inside me splintered so quietly I almost didn’t feel it at first. But then the pain spread, slowly, steadily, until it became unbearable.
He wasn’t shouting. That made it worse. His voice was calm, cutting through the rain like a blade.
"How could you hurt me like this, Aria?"
I tried to find my voice, but all that came out was a strangled whisper. "Kael, I—"
He didn’t even let me finish; his voice cracked again, low and full of something I’d never heard before... betrayal. "I had to find out from someone else. About my child. About you lying to me."
Every word hit me like a bruise. And I couldn’t even defend myself because... he was right.
Tears filled my eyes before I could stop them. "I was scared, Kael." My voice trembled so hard the words barely came out. "You don’t understand, I didn’t know how to tell you. I thought you’d... I thought you’d hate me for it."
He turned sharply to me, disbelief in his eyes. "Hate you? For losing our child?"
"I killed it, Kael!" I screamed before I could stop myself, my hands shaking as I pressed them over my face. "It was my fault. I kept drinking without stopping. I pushed myself too hard, I ignored every sign, and I just, I didn’t stop. I didn’t protect it. I couldn’t."
He froze, staring at me like he didn’t recognize the person sitting next to him.
"I couldn’t bear the thought of you knowing," I continued, choking on the words, on the shame that had been sitting like lead in my chest for weeks. "You would’ve blamed yourself. You always do. You would’ve carried that guilt, and I couldn’t... I couldn’t let you do that. I didn’t want to see that look on your face because I already saw it in my head every single night, Kael. The disappointment. The pain."
I wiped at my tears with trembling fingers, but they just kept coming. "I didn’t tell you because if you looked at me like that, like I was broken, I don’t think I’d ever recover from it."
For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. Just stared at the road, breathing unevenly, jaw locked tight. And then his voice came, raw and cracking at the edges.
"When I got the call," he began quietly, "that you were in the hospital—"
I looked up, startled by how low his voice had dropped.
"When I saw you lying there," he continued, his knuckles whitening on the steering wheel, "you were pale, barely breathing, and your eyes... your eyes looked so far away. And it felt like..." he paused, his throat working, "...like someone had ripped out my ribs and replaced them with nothing. Like everything inside me just... went dark."
I could hear the tremor in his voice, and I could see the way his shoulders shook, even as he tried to hide it.
"For days after that," he whispered, "I hated myself. I thought if I’d been there, if I hadn’t left, maybe none of it would’ve happened. I watched you get better, but you weren’t really there. You were somewhere I couldn’t reach. And I couldn’t do anything but hope you’d come back to me."
Something inside me cracked completely. Seeing Kael with his head bowed against the steering wheel, his voice trembling like that... it shattered me in a way I didn’t know I could break anymore.
I couldn’t stay.
Not another second.
I grabbed my bag, fingers slipping on the handle, and before I even knew what I was doing, I was opening the door and stepping out into the rain.
"Aria—" he called, already reaching for me.
But I slipped free. The rain was cold and harsh against my skin, soaking through my clothes, but I didn’t care. I needed to move, to breathe, to escape the weight pressing down on me.
I stumbled toward the edge of the road, raising my hand for a taxi. One slowed, headlights cutting through the downpour.
Kael was out of the car in seconds, his shoes splashing against the puddles as he caught up to me, his hand wrapping around my arm. "What are you doing?" His voice was sharp, but his grip wasn’t. It trembled against my skin.
I turned to him, tears and rain mixing down my face. "What choice do I have, Kael? I can’t... I can’t stand being around you when you’re looking at me like that."
His brows furrowed. "Like what?"
"Like you hate me," I whispered, voice breaking.
He shook his head. "Did I say that?"
"You don’t have to," I said, shoving him weakly in the chest. "It’s in your eyes. It’s in your silence. And I can’t even blame you for it because I hate myself too."
Before he could say another word, the taxi stopped beside us. I yanked the door open, tears still streaming, and looked back at him one last time.
"Please don’t follow me," I whispered. "Not right now."
And then I got in. The door slammed shut, muffling the sound of his voice as I begged the driver to just go.
The car pulled away, and I could still see him through the wet glass, standing there in the rain, drenched, staring after me like a man who’d just watched his whole world walk away.
And I couldn’t stay with him.
I couldn’t stand myself.
My chest still felt like it was being torn apart with every breath. The city around me blurred through the window, lights, streets, reflections, all of it melting together as my thoughts spun in a thousand ugly directions.
I wasn’t running from Kael. Not really. I was running toward something. Toward the only plausible person who could have known enough to tell him like that.
Sarah.
My hands were shaking when I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. It rang only once before she picked up, her voice soft, bright, familiar. "Aria? Are you oka—"
"Where are you?" I cut in, trying to keep my voice steady, but it still cracked on the last word.
There was a small pause on the other end. "I’m on my way home. Why? Did something happen?"
"Good," I said. "Then I’ll meet you there."
I didn’t give her a chance to ask anything else. I ended the call and sank back against the seat, feeling my pulse pounding in my temples. The driver said nothing, just glanced at me through the rearview mirror once, probably thinking I was crazy, sitting drenched and trembling, before turning his eyes back to the road.
When we stopped in front of her apartment, I texted her.
Are you home?
Her reply came quick.
Almost. Just a few minutes away.
So I waited.
The rain was easing into a cold drizzle by then, but I didn’t care. I stepped out anyway, hugging my arms around myself as the night pressed in. I could still taste salt at the back of my throat. The ache in my chest had hardened into something else, something sharper.
Headlights flashed across the wet street, cutting through the haze, and I looked up. A sleek black car pulled up in front of the building, far too polished, too expensive. My stomach dropped. For a split second I expected Andrew to step out, that same mocking smile painted on his face.
But it wasn’t him.
The driver’s door opened, and a tall man I didn’t recognize stepped out, formal, silent. Then the back door opened, and there she was.
Sarah.
Her hair was immaculate despite the humidity, her clothes untouched by the rain. She spotted me immediately and rushed forward, concern etched perfectly across her face, like she’d rehearsed it. "Aria? Oh my God, what happened? You’re soaked! Why are you—"
I didn’t let her finish. I took a step forward, the words spilling out before I could stop them, trembling, furious, raw.
"How could you do that to me?"
The question hit the air like a slap.
Her eyes widened, confusion flickering for a moment, or the performance of it. "What— what are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I’m talking about," I said, my voice breaking halfway through. "You told him, didn’t you?"
The air went still between us, the rain whispering against the asphalt, the headlights from her car cutting a faint white line across her face.
She blinked once. "Kael?" she asked softly, almost innocently. "Told him what?"
My hands curled into fists at my sides, and for the first time, I realized how much I was shaking, not from the cold, but from everything boiling inside me. "Don’t fucking play dumb with me, Sarah. Who else would know? Who else could possibly—"
Her lips parted slightly, but she didn’t speak. Her eyes, though, there was something in them that flickered for just a second. A glint of satisfaction.
That was all the confirmation I needed.