"Oh~~~ Valdés, what is he doing?! That ball actually slipped right through his legs! What a foolish mistake! Did he smear butter on his gloves?"
"Down by two goals! What's going on! Come on, boys, wake up!"
In the commentary booth in Catalonia, commentator Hubble was holding his head in disbelief.
Before the match, they were confidently predicting a harsh beating for Real Madrid.
But instead, it was Barcelona who conceded two goals.
The first goal could be seen as an accident — the team hadn't adjusted their state and got caught off guard by Suker's sudden strike.
But the second goal was a pure mistake!
How do you explain butter fingers?
Benzema's shot wasn't powerful, nor was it at a tricky angle, but it still went in.
Conceding two goals in a row, Barcelona found themselves in a very passive situation.
The Bernabéu Stadium had turned into a sea of joy.
Real Madrid fans were cheering and singing ecstatically.
Scoring twice, this was easily one of the most enjoyable matches in recent seasons.
The previously arrogant Barcelona fans were completely deflated.
This is Real Madrid!
They were here to defend their home honor.
Benzema returned to the center circle, surrounded by his teammates.
Suker looked at Benzema in amazement.
Was this Benzema's special skill — "IQ lowering"?
Butter fingers is a serious mistake, sometimes even career-damaging, and yet Benzema somehow made it happen.
Valdés was probably going to have a rough time ahead.
Suker also noticed that Guardiola looked extremely grim.
Clearly, he was furious with Barcelona's terrible first-half performance.
But Suker wasn't going to waste this chance.
Strike while the iron is hot!
One, to further hit Messi psychologically.
Two, to keep targeting Busquets.
Bang!
In the 34th minute, Suker was sent flying off the pitch — brutally shoved by Yaya Touré.
During the clash, Touré clearly had a pushing motion.
Real Madrid players immediately protested.
"Bastard! Come at me if you dare!"
Pepe was first to arrive, grabbing Touré's collar and shouting furiously.
Touré angrily shook him off.
Pepe froze.
Did you just shake me off?!
His temper flared instantly and he lunged forward, but Ramos stopped him in time.
Others also swarmed Touré.
Puyol rushed to separate the players.
Soon, the referee came over blowing his whistle furiously.
He showed a yellow card to Yaya Touré to calm things down.
Suker sat on the sideline, expression dark.
Damn it!
Is this going to be a brawl?
Can't win, so you resort to violence?
Suker's temper ignited!
"Let's fight them!"
He stood up and walked to the center of the pitch, wiping his mouth and shouting, "We're at home — why should we be afraid? Bring it on!"
After Suker was fouled, the match's tension exploded.
Only ten minutes left in the half.
But in these ten minutes, it became a foul-fest.
First Ramos slid in hard, sending Messi flying, even stepping on his hand afterward.
Then Benzema was tackled hard on the calf by Piqué.
Luckily he jumped just in time — only a scrape remained.
Despite two yellow cards, tempers didn't cool — things only escalated.
Suker and Benzema pressed hard, forcing Maxwell into the corner.
Seeing Maxwell desperately shielding the ball, Suker raised his foot and kicked him in the butt, knocking him out of the corner.
Even Benzema was stunned.
That intense?
Puyol rushed over for an explanation.
Suker shoved Puyol's chest.
You're nothing!
Puyol grabbed his face and fell.
Immediately, Barcelona's players surged.
But Suker wasn't afraid!
Here came the enforcers.
Ramos charged in like a bull, shoulder-checking Piqué.
Pepe was already in full combat mode.
Suker shouted behind them:
"Come on then! Let's brawl! I've never had a fight on the pitch before!"
Suker was so fierce that even the Barcelona players hesitated.
A fight?
Out of the question.
Modern football wasn't like the old days.
When Maradona used to fight, he'd only get suspended for a match or two.
Now? One wrong move and your whole season might be over.
Eventually, the ref gave Suker a yellow card, calming things down.
But the air was still full of tension.
Four yellow cards in ten minutes.
At halftime, Suker said regretfully, "If only that had happened in the second half. I could've wasted more time."
"Waste time?" Pepe looked at him, surprised. "Weren't you just raging?"
"Me? Raging? I'm a striker. One yellow card is nothing. I don't need to defend — stalling is perfect for me. What, weren't you?"
Pepe looked conflicted and finally muttered: "Me too."
Like hell.
Suker rolled his eyes.
He didn't believe it for a second — Pepe was ready to throw hands. If anyone had swung, Piqué would've been pounded.
But it worked out well.
They successfully stalled to halftime.
"The second half will be tough. Barcelona's bound to make tactical adjustments."
"They'll make substitutions, but who and when?"
"No kidding! Still, we're not looking great either. Suker burned so much energy in the first half — in the second..."
Ramos turned to look at Suker — who was barefoot, jumping around the locker room, munching a banana.
Suker noticed and asked, "What's up?"
Ramos gave a weak smile. "Nothing."
Halftime ended quickly.
Both teams returned to the field.
Suker had changed into a clean jersey and used a status recovery card.
Not out of paranoia — just to guarantee his stamina.
If not now, then when to go all out?
He also saw the Barcelona players re-emerge, all looking like they had just been scolded.
Their lineup had changed drastically.
"Oh my! We just received news — Barcelona has made two substitutions. Guardiola subbed off Busquets and Messi, replacing them with Ibrahimović and Pedro."
"What a bold move by Guardiola — even benching Messi! But it's understandable, Messi was terrible in the first half."
Suker was stunned by the lineup.
Damn it!That bald bastard Guardiola took away both of his pressure points.
In the first half, Suker had provoked Messi into solo dribbles, disrupting Barca's offense.
And targeted Busquets' awareness as a weak point in their high press.
Now both were off.
Suker's entire plan was ruined.
He had to admit — Guardiola's in-game tactical acumen was spot-on and decisive.
Probably only Guardiola had the guts to bench Messi.
And not just bench — probably scolded too.
Suker could see Messi in a jacket, head down like a student being punished.
What Suker didn't know: Messi had indeed been scolded and even threw a tantrum, refusing to sit on the bench — but was dragged out by Guardiola.
The current Barca lineup was basically Guardiola's own youth-trained players — scolding them was like scolding his sons.
But this now became a problem for Real Madrid.
First-half, Busquets and Messi were liabilities — one was the weak point, the other slowed their attack.
Now with them gone, Barca could fully implement their Tiki-Taka system.
Despite losing Messi and Xavi, the remaining players were still elite, and their cohesive playstyle could be dangerous.
Guardiola was a tactical genius and also obsessed with changing formations.
In 10 years of coaching, he had over 30 formation tweaks — showing his insane creativity.
But it's also a bad habit — he tends to change formations under pressure.
Call it "tactical adjustment" or just "experimenting."
In the future, coaching Man City, he even switched to a four-forward long-ball tactic just before a title match against Chelsea.
Chelsea and Tuchel were enraged, and with better rotation stamina, they beat Guardiola's Man City.
Though City still won the league that season, it was nearly snatched by Klopp's Liverpool.
Call him bold or crazy — his imagination was undeniable.
But now, against Real Madrid, their direct title rival, it felt more like a "bad habit."
If you want to experiment, don't do it against Real Madrid!
Boom!
Xabi Alonso sent a long ball forward, aimed at Suker's run.
Suker sprinted ahead while checking defenders and the ball's drop.
When Touré reached him, Suker faked a stop.
Touré paused, thinking Suker was trapping the ball.
But that gave Suker the chance.
He used the outside of his right foot to flick the ball over Touré's head.
Then accelerated — past Touré before he could turn.
Suker broke through!
"Here comes Suker again! Oh my! Can Barcelona stop him?"
Piqué's eyelid twitched — he backpedaled, watching Suker carefully.
"Stop retreating!" Puyol shouted, charging up.
"He's going to shoot!"
Piqué saw Suker adjusting his footing.
At the edge of the box — he was winding up to shoot!
Piqué and Puyol both slid in from either side.
Suker swung his right leg hard — a side volley!
Boom!
The ball rocketed like a missile — flying straight, then rising slightly mid-air.
That rise tricked Valdés, whose hands only brushed the ball before it flew into the net.
Swish!The net bulged.
Suker sprinted to the corner flag, taking off his shirt.
The ref squinted — but saw no ads on the undershirt, so let it go.
The stands exploded with joy.
They thought Suker was giving them the shirt.
But instead, Suker held it up and shook it, displaying a message:
"Come on! Worship me!"
The fans were stunned for a second, then roared in delight.
"Oh my god! Suker flashing his shirt to the fans! He completely earned the right to do this!"
"Against Barcelona, he's scored two goals so far!"
"Given his full-game performance, he's clearly the key figure in Madrid's dominance."
"Nothing he does is too much!"
After showing off his shirt, Suker rejoined his teammates for the celebration.
He was beaming.
This game had gone easier than expected — probably because they stunned Barca early.
And this strategy could be reused.
Busquets? He's mine!
Every time Busquets plays, he's a liability.
Suker was thrilled.
Flashing the shirt at the Bernabéu.
When they go to Camp Nou, he'd flash it again!
On his way out, Suker pretended the shirt was a bullfighter's cape, swinging it around.
Madrid fans burst out laughing.
They loved it.
Ramos even played along, pretending to be a bull charging the cape.
Fans were loving every second.
Real Madrid 3:0 Barcelona!
The win was in the bag.
In the 70th minute, Madrid made their first substitutions.
Suker and Higuaín off.
Raúl and Metzelder came on.
With Suker off, Pellegrini switched to a defensive counter-attack setup.
"Nice game!"
"You pulled off something incredible!"
"Brilliant!"
Suker high-fived all his teammates.
Guti gave a big thumbs-up: "Awesome!"
A win in El Clásico — there's nothing sweeter.
Especially when Suker's performance was stellar — involved in attack, helped defensively, scored twice — utterly cool.
Three goals ahead and Madrid now defending — Barcelona's situation got worse.
Ibrahimović kept charging, but it wasn't effective.
And it only pissed off Pepe, who slid in and took Ibra down hard.
BEEP!
Sharp whistle — yellow card for Pepe.
Ibra protested: "That was a penalty! I was fouled in the box!"
But the ref didn't react.
Suker winced — that did look like it was inside the box.
Florentino, you beast!
And Pepe? That guy needs to get carded or he's not satisfied!
Missing that penalty chance made Barca even more frantic.
They bombarded Madrid for ten minutes but got nowhere.
"We're into injury time. Real Madrid 3:0 Barcelona. Honestly, Barca played horribly today!"
"Hard to imagine — lose just Xavi, and they fall apart like this."
"Busquets was a hole, Messi lost his head, and others didn't help either. This is a team failure. Guardiola needs to get his team together!"
Commentator González felt Barcelona had become arrogant.
Everyone hyped them up, and they got cocky — only to be slapped at the Bernabéu.
In terms of strength and tactics, Barcelona was still better — that's a fact.
Even with Suker, Madrid had just one man, not enough to turn the tide alone.
But Barcelona simply played like crap!
Busquets, Valdés, Messi… all must take responsibility.
WHISTLE WHISTLE WHISTLE!
Full time.
2009/2010 La Liga, Round 12: Real Madrid 3:0 Barcelona!
With this win, Madrid leapfrogged to first place on the table.
And the first clash between Suker and Messi was decided.
Suker — two goals.
Messi — no goals, subbed off at halftime.
A decisive victory for Suker.
His first El Clásico — a perfect success!