Chapter 498 – Life Colourless

It is only through my trust in Leona that we decided to be so aggressive against Arascus. From the very start everyone knew that we would not be able to outwit or outpace Arascus or Kassandora, nor could we compete with the strength of his Divines. Yet it we were not so disorganised nor so hateful of each other yet that a plan could not be mounted.

Arascus’ Empire, although he pretended it not to be, was effectively a nation tied to Divinity. Arascus himself was one of the progenitors of this rule that said we cannot ever allow for a Divine of Divinity to appear, Arascus himself made so much sense that no one ever tried to break this paradigm, Arascus himself was the one who broke it.

The war had to be escalated in a way they would not be able to counter. Since Arascus already broke the National Divine of a Divine Nation stipulations, we would not flounder about in uncertainty. We did put it all on a die roll that Leona would be able to find Arascus’ creation first.

Leona did.

- Excerpt from Goddess Allasaria’s, of Light’s, private diary.

Etala stood and watched number three hundred and eighty one receive Kavaa’s blessing. This man had been late because he had been cutting out someone’s popped appendix when Kavaa had arrived and he had not even changed. Kavaa had said she would not take anyone else today and then she saw the fellow run out of from behind the main building, his sleeves and shirt dirtied with blood. For all her talk about how Divines should be definite and never go back on their word, Kavaa had certainly gone back on hers. Immediately she had asked whether the man was coming to receive her holy blessing and then told the fellow to kneel.

Three hundred and eighty one out of how many? Four thousand? Anver Health had more than eight thousand employees but a solid half of those weren’t anything to do with health. If the doctors were the boots on the ground, then the janitors and maids and cooks and receptionists were the logistic auxiliaries and the administrative staff were the officer cadre. Etala supposed she should have asked for the actual number but even if it turned out that Anver Health only had a thousand staff directly involved with patients, then Kavaa was still barely surpassing one in three! What was this!?

And so Etala watched the man recite Kavaa’s vow as he knelt before the Goddess of Health. When Etala saw her at first, she thought that the monotone colours were some striking fashion statement. Her grey hair and grey eyes had been aged thunderstorms, the black coat Etala thought was reminiscent of the darkness of some endless well. Kavaa even was exceptionally pale. Now though? The monotone was not some attempt at statement, it fit on a deeper, more emotional level.

Even if the woman was picky, even if she had some power to sense people’s characters, even if she could not explain it herself, then should three hundred and eighty one not be grand? Was it not something to be happy about? Etala imagined she would be ecstatic if she had the luxury of being picky with people who swore not the Union but to her, herself. And yet Kavaa bent slightly to reach down and place her hand upon the man’s head.

No scripture. No repeating. No words. Kavaa did not even say a word. There was nothing. Yet Etala knew it had worked. Almost immediately, the creases in the surgeon’s forehead started to smooth themselves out and after a moment he reached for his eyes to take out a pair of contact lenses. He looked up at Kavaa with such wondrous awe that Etala was not even jealous she had never been gazed upon like that, she was inspired instead because she had not thought such innocent and childlike awe could be foisted upon adults.

The grey Goddess of Health straightened her posture and looked down at the surgeon who had tears sliding down his eyes. It was not even noon yet and somehow Kavaa managed to look exhausted. Maybe blessing simply took things out of her? Maybe she didn’t want to show off her fatigue in front of Etala? Behind the Goddess of Health, the huge complex that was Anver Health stood so huge it could have been a monastery to modern architecture. Its darkened glass brilliantly reflected the sun and the blue sky and the red and orange of the bricks was made more vivid by the white panelling. Patients and bystanders had all conglomerated nearby to watch a Goddess at work but none of them came too close. It was a Goddess at work after all.

“Stand and join the line, Cleric.

A minority of these people were those who had been scared off by Kavaa’s speech. Most of those had not returned. The ones who did were not given a second chance. Most of them were just those who had failed some unstated examination by the Goddess of Health. Most of them, Kavaa had just looked upon and flicked away, stating that they weren’t cut out to be Clerics. One nurse had the audacity to actually shout at the Goddess of Health. “Why?!”

And Kavaa’s response had done nothing to ease the bitterness. “If I tell you why, you won’t understand anyway. And when you do understand why, you won’t be asking.” That was it. On one hand, Etala was appalled it was her countrymen being treated like this, on the other… Well, it was Kavaa who had been sent here to help. The Goddess had made it quite clear immediately on how she would act and Etala was a fellow Divine. If Kavaa said the things she did to Etala, then what would she not say to humans?

Etala saw Kavaa wave over the two Clerics Etala had arrested in Rockport. Both grizzled men that looked weathered yet healthy, it was an odd mix. They managed to move with the confidence of men who had lived a full lifetime, the general look of their faces was around forty and yet their skin was so smooth that it would make even teenage girls seethe with jealousy. They marched with the quick steps of soldiers, Etala had seen such paces in the various military parades that Arascus’ Empire would broadcast in the news to celebrate their victories. They said nothing, instead just drawing up an Imperial salute. “At ease.” Etala listened in to Kavaa’s words. She did not even bother pretending she wasn’t interested. “Separate them into groups and get them using their powers. They should work it out. If they don’t then write their names down and send them to me for revocation. I want everyone to be tested today.” Kavaa stopped and looked at the two Clerics. The pair of men did not look too happy with the instructions they had just received. “What’s wrong?” Kavaa asked.

“One day could be pushing it.” The men said.

“You have less than two hundred people each. Three minutes per person, you can get it done in ten hours.” Kavaa replied back. “I’ll be sending Imperial administrators over to you later to help so you’ll be able to pick the pace up. For now just do as many as you can.”

“Can we guide them?”

“Your call on if you want them to pass or not.” Kavaa said offhandedly. Etala had to stop herself from intervening. Did Kavaa even care about what was happening here? Is this how she always acted? That was impossible, Etala would not believe a person could be so miserable. And yet Kavaa was helping. No one was forcing her… Was that it? Did Arascus have some sort of blackmail over the Goddess of Health? That would actually explain it all. Even the woman’s atti… It didn’t though. Kavaa looked miserable but she obviously wasn’t defeated. Her tone was stern and she didn’t waste or dawdle on anything, instead every action and every word up until she was talking to her own Clerics in the middle of the car park had been filled with purpose and resolution.

“Understood.” One of the Clerics said. Etala remembered they were Rudolf and Otto but she could not for the life of her discern the two men. They weren’t twins, they were both just… just alien. That was the word. Men should not look as if they were several ages at the same time.

“You’re both promoted for the immediate while to Captains.” Kavaa said. “Under my authority, I’ll have notes sent to your Order later, if any of them.” Kavaa inclined her head to the people she had just blessed. “Make trouble, you may pull rank and discipline on the spot. If there’s any problem, find me, I’ll be in this general area. Otherwise I expect you to get started now, we don’t have all day.” It was such an odd way of speaking too. All her sentences were short and cut off as if they were just strings of words that were separated by a scalpel. For all the issue Etala took with it, the Clerics did not. They both saluted and turned out after Kavaa dismissed them with her own salute.

Etala saw the chance and took it immediately. Kavaa already had begun to turn around towards the exit of the car park and the Goddess of Democracy would not let her escape. Not after all this. Not when Etala had just accrued so much debt and so many questions. Etala half-jogged in a fashion thoroughly unfit for a Divine in public but for once, she did not care about public appearances. Kavaa certainly did not and leeway would be given because the Goddess of Health was not even attempting to look presentable. When those grey eyes refocused themselves on Etala, the younger Goddess felt a chill go down her spine. She had never been one for fear, nor for panic and as much as she could claim to know what danger was, there had been little in the age of Pantheon Peace to truly teach her.

But for a brief moment, her body felt as if it was aflame as every cell that composed her screamed harmonically that she was in danger. It was only for a moment though. Kavaa was back to her thoroughly unpleasant self quickly after that. Etala both respected and couldn’t believe that a Goddess was so openly displaying moodiness in public. “I assume we have a problem.” Kavaa said grumpily. “Which one, come on, hit me with it.”

The immediate argumentation threw Etala off course. “Excuse me?” She asked. “What do you mean?”

“Whatever.” Kavaa said. “What do you want?”

“Was that it?” Etala asked and realised how it sounded immediately. “I mean, I’m not questioning it but rather I thought there’d be more flash? To it? Do you know what I mean?” Kavaa sighed heavily instead of replying. Etala supposed a compliment was needed, maybe Kavaa was just the sort of person that took badly to any sort of even remotely negative comment. “I’m impressed you did so many though. I thought you would only do a dozen. Maybe fifty. Honestly by the time you did a hundred I was already happy.”

On one hand, Etala wasn’t even lying. She had genuinely expected the grey-haired Goddess of Health to bless a maybe twenty men with grand explosions of vitality and then work from there. Etala didn’t know if it was incredible at how much progress the woman had done or if it was a miracle. But on the other hand, Etala had seen how Kavaa had acted. That speech had been horrible and the actual blessing process itself had all the sanctity about it that pressing a button on the radio did. Kavaa said nothing. She sighed again, even heavier this time. Those grey eyes once again met Etala’s blue and the Goddess of Health finally gave some reasoning. “I did the bare minimum. Three hundred and eighty one is not a lot.”

Etala was glad she had come to approach the woman. She would have never known about this had she not come. And she internally kicked herself for not being able to silence her own stupidity. She should have just done that frankly. What Kavaa just said was no explanation at all. “I’m grateful for any assistance.” Etala said with a bow. If Kavaa created an Order here…

Even if she did not travel to any other city in the UNN, then civilians could be brought in or maybe the Clerics could be split into groups. The UNN’s overloaded healthcare crisis had been solved by Arascus and it had taken all of one day. Almost four hundred Clerics were estimated that UNN politicians gave as being far off in the future. “I’m honoured a woman two millennia my junior is grateful for the any assistance I can humbly provide.” Kavaa said sarcastically.

Would it hurt her to be nice for a single moment? It was impossible, no one was naturally just this unpleasant.  “I didn’t mean it badly.”

“Considering I just turned three hundred and eighty one of your compatriots, you should be on the floor kissing my boots. Three hundred and eighty one Etala. Do you think that’s some small number you can just thank me for?”

The worst. Etala was stunned at the reply. Just the most miserable, soul-sucking creature of a Goddess that Etala had ever seen. Yet she had to see the nugget of truth in Kavaa’s word. Each of those Clerics would go on to save hundreds if not thousands every year. How could just a simple thank you be enough for that? “It’s not.” Etala admitted honestly, still trying to find some compromise with Kavaa. “But I honestly still appreciate it.” She looked to the large group that Kavaa had sent away. It would be good if they could be turned into Clerics too. “Can they be turned too?”

“Blessed.” Kavaa hissed. “I don’t turn people into Clerics, I bless them with my power of health. To be a Cleric is not an end goal, it’s a state of mind combined with my power.” Kavaa finally looked at the men she had sent away. A few of them shrunk back, a few puffed their chests out, a few looked straight at Kavaa, a few looked at the ground. “No.”

“No?!” Etala asked. So there was some filter on it then. There needed to be some sort of condition or…

Or nothing, Kavaa explained it. “It costs me nothing to bless souls. It’s even easier than healing.” And that number of three hundred and eighty suddenly looked less impressive. It cost her nothing?

“You do it just like that?” Etala asked.

“You just watched me do it more than three hundred times. I just need physical touch to bless them and that’s it. They just need to accept me when they feel my coming.”

“How do they do that?” Maybe Etala could bless people too? She had honestly never tried.

“They just do. If you ever hear Kassandora’s music, you’ll know what it’s like when the Orchestra pulls you in.” Etala didn’t really know what that meant but she was sure she could ask someone. She never considered herself a coward but in front of Kavaa, it took effort to actually think of a question.

“Then why not give them the power too?” Etala didn’t know if the question was a mistake or not. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the two men who had just been promoted to Cleric Captains march back into the hospital with almost two hundred men each snaking behind them.

“Because I won’t.” Kavaa said.

If the woman could be rude, then Etala decided she could get away with being rude too. “That’s not an answer.”

“It is. I simply won’t give them the power even though like I said, it costs me nothing.” Kavaa, for once, actually smiled. It was a terrible, self-satisfied and wry smile. “There were days in the Great War when I gave my blessing to a thousand a day. There were days where I would manage ten thousand. Three hundred is nothing.”

“Then why not give them the power?”

“Because I’m its arbiter Etala. What would you do, give my blessing to everyone?” Etala thought for a moment.

“Well not criminals but would it not make sense to just eradicate illness?” Kavaa shook her head.

“There was a time, long long ago now, when I did that.” Of course there was. Now Etala felt stupid for even opening her mouth with this suggestion. She just had to accept that she was in no position to give advice to Kavaa. That was it. It was easier thought than done though. Kavaa actually explained this one and she sounded almost satisfied in her words as if it was amazing that Etala was being proved wrong in real time. “Ultimately, humanity has a great barrier on it and that is age. No one has ever managed to cross this barrier. Even I, myself, have not managed it alone. But I do generally double the lifespan of a man.”

Kavaa actually looked at Etala this time. Those grey eyes had all the dulled reaction of someone who was explaining that grass was green and the sky blue. “I am the arbiter for my power because I’ve been there to retrieve for when men go off the rails. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them but being there to bury one’s children and grandchildren and great grandchildren changes something in people. That’s why my speech was the way it was. No one should enjoy being a Cleric.”

Etala didn’t even want to argue this point. “Is that why it was so negative?”

That snapped something in Kavaa. She replied in a viciously fast tone. “It was negative because it had to be.” She turned and faced Etala head on. “Because it fucking had to be Etala. That’s the difference between us, you have to convince others of your own value, my value is ingrained.”

“I don’t have to convince anyone-“

“What child is born knowing the virtues of the UNN or of Democracy?” Kavaa asked. Etala did not have a quick answer to that, although she didn’t get a chance to speak either. Kavaa just kept on talking. “Whereas every child knows instinctively whether they are healthy or ill. You have to be taught Etala. That’s the difference. There are others like you, Malam of Hatred is one who claims she has to be taught too. But not me. That’s why I have to turn people away because it’s not a case of wanting good health, it’s a case of deserving good health.”

“Doesn’t everyone deserve it?”

“I do not sell my blessing to businessmen who will turn it into a career. I do not give my blessing to children who will use it on animals. I do not use it on sadists or masochists to indulge their vices. I do not offer it to these noble wanderers that have utterly nothing to do in life so they just want to dedicate themselves to others. I am not charity Etala. Understand that, I am not charity. I am not here to fix people, or give them purpose or set them on their feet or make sure they wake up absolutely fucking beaming and excited for the next day. Could I? I am sure I could because it would just be a job. I know another Goddess who I like and respect greatly.” Immediately Etala tried to figure out what that was. Honestly, she had no clue. “Me and her get along, she once told me that she can do anything because everything to her is a job and when she does a job, she does it well. That’s why we get along, because we’re the same in this regard. Healing to me is a profession. It’s a job. I’m the best at it. I’m so much better that there isn’t a comparison. As long as I live, there can never be a healer better than me.”

Etala didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even disagree with Kavaa on the point. The Goddess of Health was correct, it was in her damn title after all. But she just didn’t like making such grand, sweeping proclamations as if they were fact. Was Kavaa really sure about that? “I understand that but it’s not a case of charity.” Etala realised she just disagreed because she didn’t like how the woman sounded rather than her point. Was it really her fault though? Kavaa was utterly miserable! “But wouldn’t...” Kavaa raised an eyebrow as Etala found the words. “If you talk like this, aren’t you hypocritical in that regard? Aren’t you doing charity for Arascus right now? Or by letting him monopolize you. If it was just your job, shouldn’t you just…” Etala paused. Oh know. She was going to say it, wasn’t she? “Shouldn’t you just do your job?”

Kavaa did not react. That was somehow worse than if she exploded in a fit of fury right now. Instead, her tone was cutting and vicious and disgusted. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would.” Who wouldn’t?

“It simply does not work that way in the real world Etala.” Kavaa said. “And you know that because you broke your own moral compass to bring me here by arresting the Clerics. I know you did because you obviously didn’t want to do it since you let the other trespassers onto your land go. So you know that no matter what grand beliefs you have, eventually the tides of the world will grab a hold of you.”

Etala could read between the lines, or at least she thought she did. Kavaa was definitely talking about herself and she wasn’t even particularly subtle about it. As if to drive the point home, Kavaa just flat out said it. “Small fish can escape the tides, the larger you are, the harder it is to leave. I said this to you earlier, you may be a grand Goddess but I am grander Goddess.”

“I know that but you’re Kavaa.” Etala spoke quickly this time, as to make she could actually get a word out because Kavaa went on another speech again. “There isn’t anyone out there who wouldn’t want you. Even us, we’re not fans of the Empire and even we have allowed you to start an order. That’s how much people need good health.”

“No one needs good health.” Kavaa said. “I’ve seen men who cannot walk live full and happy lives. I’ve seen others who decide their time has come and reject my healing entirely. Those are the mortals I respect. Good health is adored by everyone.”

“Exactly!” Etala said. “How can you be adored by everyone and still be this miserable?” Etala didn’t think it was a stupid question. She knew fame and love weren’t the be-all and end-all of everything but dealing with Kavaa made her thinking worse. There were easy counter-arguments against it. Kavaa gave none. That pair of cold grey eyes just stared at Etala. “I mean, I’m sorry but I mean it. How are you like this?”

“Adoration is not all its cut out to be.” Kavaa answered, her voice low and serious. “And if you think being adored is fulfilling in any way, then it doesn’t matter how miserable I am, you are the saddest little child I know.”

To that, Etala had no reply. She just stood there in stunned silence. She was utterly lost for words. Even when Kavaa tapped her shoulder and poked her cheek to wake her up, Etala just stood there and thought over the words. Eventually, Kavaa did speak again. “I have work to do, a full Order to create. You’ve been a pleasure to talk to Etala but I’m going to work now.”

And with that, Kavaa turned around and walked off. That was it.

That was either the most incredible or the most miserable Goddess in existence.  Etala simply could not decide which.