Chapter 303: Chapter 303
To the pressure of my intent gaze, Marianne’s father went various times to look at the drawing thinking of a way to escape my questions; but knowing it was already too late to make up some way out, he inhaled profoundly before speaking.
"haa... Alright. Which do you want me to answer first, dear."
Immediately pointing at the mushrooms in my sketches, I answered.
’I bet the Lucid Warrior’s nickname will be a long and maybe more interesting story hehe.’
"Then... About what I mentioned... It wasn’t because I liked mushrooms that I would read such books... Umh... Well... For some time I had to investigate many herbs and flowers and... Well, anything that could be used to treat people..."
"..."
[ Did Father wish to become a physician like Deslys? ]
"... No, sweetie... I simply... I simply wished to learn. Just... Just in case... That is all."
His hand gave our cheek a sweet stroke and he smiled even when his eyes were sad. And... It was then that I realised why he wasn’t clear when telling us about this.
I’m just stupid for forgetting that we are his daughter and that our condition... For people in these times... For the duke... It’s a matter that would need great study.
Realising this... made my throat go dry.
Feeling sadder since I knew he was trying to hide it for this very same reason... Thinking of how much work and time he must have spent searching for something when I know there isn’t really a cure we can drink to get better... And furthermore... Taking into account the immeasurable love this man has for his children...
’Ah... I want to cry just thinking about it.’
However... Is it alright? To let him keep it secret when we can already imagine? And... To not say how thankful we are? More so Marianne, who right now is almost suffocating our body out of the deep emotion realizing this invokes?
"..."
[ Was Father’s wish to learn because of me? Because of my condition? ]
"...."
He stared at our message for a longer time... and... I think he didn’t know what to say. Because he only lifted his head to smile at us and caress our temple along some loose hair for a while before actually answering.
"Your Father... I was desperate back then." — He spoke in a strangled voice... without looking into our eyes. — "Nobody knew why... And I knew nothing about medicine... I thought that maybe... If I learned enough, if I searched enough... But a condition is simply that. A condition... Nonetheless, I continued to study even after realising it."
"..."
"... Don’t shed tears my lovely child..." — Lovingly combing our hair with careful fingers, he said, smiling tearfully at the relentless drops that were falling. — "What I did, any parent would have done... With what I learned I can at the very least give first aid if anyone needs it. And your health is still a bit frail besides your condition... It was worth the attempt... Don’t you also think so?"
His words only made us shed more tears.
An affectionate man such as him... So kind and gentle... I simply know he truly was desperate and probably heartbroken during those days.
Our head kept downwards because knew if I looked him in the eye now that he was looking at us, it would hurt our hearts... Making us cry stronger...
"... Alright, come here sweetie. Seat with me." — Leaving our drawings aside... Since nobody came to get it, I realised Grampa Thomas and Vitor had left us on our own.
Taking my hand the Duke made us seat with him, on the big seat made of roots he seated at.
Letting us lean on him, caressing our head and gifting us a peck on the forehead... Just like Anne madly likes since she loves her dad this much... While images of what broke Anne’s heart harder at his words appeared short but intensely through my eyes.
’... sweetheart...’ — The images were heartbreaking. Because a crying child in abysmal darkness held back her voice in front of another child... And when there was light in a bedroom I recognise... the sight of a concerned father would always be ignored. Dismissing him with the silence... While I could feel from the memories shared the painful void my little Marianne imprisoned inside her because of the sadness and fright she was under.
"I am to tell you something very surprising."
’...Marianne... It wasn’t–’ — Tears welled up certain to fall as I was about to comfort her... But I couldn’t do it at the Duke’s words.
"About your condition. Once I understood it, I felt happy."
"__...???" — Hearing him say such a thing both of us had no way to concentrate on the memories. — ’...... Huh?! Excuse me?! How can you say–’
"... ’Her voice is there’... ’It only has to come out’... ’her health is not what took it away’... Such is what I learned. And you have already proved me correctly once, dear."
"...."
"If you don’t remember, it is alright since I would never forget it..." — Meeting the deepest of my eyes, he said, halting my shock. — "It was certainly a wonderful gift, my dear feathered beauty of a child."
’... Ah... Haha...’ — To his wording I recalled... That once we had tried to call him, failing to make a sound... Yet he kept it dearly in his memory, with this much importance.
Ah... I want to cry so hard. My–... Our souls ache so much right now by everything we feel but... If we do...
’Ah... I can’t.’
"...h..." — Even if I didn’t want to this time, even though I– this time I wanted to hide the tears because it wasn’t the time to just release it all... Tears felt otherwise. And I soon felt my face soak from the unending flow.
"Marianne. Sweetie, look at me." — Even when he took our chin, I couldn’t look him in the eye. Because the softness of his pampering voice felt destructive to our souls. — "Dear... May you be thinking your father is a weakling?"
’Unnn~gh Mister, don’t joke now... It’s conflicting really.’ — This time I frowned, hopefully clear on the outside since he seemed to ignore our hazard.
"Marianne. I said to look at me. Did you not ask about another thing?"
Grasping our face, the Duke stared directly and seriously into our eyes that couldn’t help but open at the severity in his tone.
"If you are thinking that this Father is weak... You better change your mind."
’But Mishter...Your alwaish sho gentule...’ — As our cheeks were being squeezed together, I answered in the inside. Bothered that he was probably being mischievous while doing this to our lovely cheeks.
"My children... Yes, I am indeed a fool for each of you. Hence, I avoided talking about the time before having you. Because I wished for you to only know my... Good side."
’I knew ish! You awoided ish!!’ — Watching how he confessed with a troubled expression, I pointed out how my deductions were correct.
"But I’m not that nice, dear."
"!"
"The way I was called ’Lucid Warrior’ it’s because of how I acted on the battlefield."