Chapter 286: Chapter 286
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I had kept silent in my bedroom.
Sir Vitor had quietly offered his hand to walk me inside. And I could tell he was intending to stay with me inside until Paige came around. But she timely arrived with the awaited tea that was not necessary anymore.
She was confused to see me at my door, but taking advantage of her confusion, I asked her in my notes to leave the tea inside and instead made sure Vitor was alright since... Theressa had acted violently against him.
[ I am sorry, Sir Vitor. For making you experience this. ] — I had written to him in apology for what had happened.
"... Go calmly, Lady Marianne." — It was all he said... Yet I felt grateful somehow at his wording.
In the end, I went inside alone since Paige followed my request. I heard her tell Sir Vitor to let her see his face and, even though they were little scratches and some hits he received, I was really glad that she still went to get things to treat it, as little as it was.
He still wouldn’t move from my door. And I feel guilty from feeling relieved he did so.
The tea was left inside but I simply went to seat on the chair that had stayed placed unlike the table thanks to the Crown Prince and... I think a while passed of us staring blankly in ponder after that.
Kind of going through every little detail of what had occurred so recently at our door like a broken record, I simply seated there dumbfounded. Really not thinking of anything as I revived some sensations we felt during the chaos.
’Sigh... Things and ourselves... Everything is so complicated in the end I can’t really understand anything.’ — Exhausted of repeating the scene, looking at my red hand and feeling my chest shrink and tremble so nervous to recall the grief Paul’s eyes gave me while they looked at Theressa, I came to crouch in my seat, resting my face in both of my hands as I supported my arms on my knees.
I felt scared of the possibilities. And as much as I hate the bad behaviour of Theressa...
’I just don’t want anyone to fall in his hands... As bad as she is... I really don’t want that kind of punishment for her...’
It’s conflicting. Sometimes, frustration and rage do make me wish for others suffering... But I can’t... I wouldn’t get myself to be able to actually permit it.
’Having experienced it... in two lives at that... I just know it’s not something anyone should go through... There are some exceptions of course but... Theressa... I don’t know why but I truly don’t wish that for her...’
Both of us felt troubled and I know it was for different reasons... Because I did know why I didn’t want that deep inside and it frustrated me.
The fact that even though I feel I should be merciless and don’t care about anyone who had done wrong... especially to us... But this personality I have. This way that I am that makes me feel the whole opposite because even after having shitty experiences I still have hope in people... It frustrates me because I like how human I am but I think I sometimes need to forget that humanity I’m proud of...
’Sigh... I miss the geezers...’ — Suddenly, an innate wish to see my friends came over me.
At times I got complicated thoughts... They were my refuge. And I truly...
’It would be nice... To get one good wise sermon right now.’
They excelled at it after all. Having long lives is their honour, so I guess they get the privilege to show off their accumulated wisdom.
It’s funny though.
I would really pay attention at the beginning of it but I don’t know which kind of witchcraft they had... But at some point, every confusion would be forgotten because somehow... We would end up talking about a whole different matter that usually made us laugh.
But... We are on our own right now. And maybe it’s a good thing. Because I should really consider and think about these conflicting emotions Marianne and I are feeling.
’From what I can tell... Even though she hasn’t treated you right... You like your little sister, right Anne?’
She didn’t even need to answer. Because as I was asking, I could feel her confirming my question already aware of what I was about to ask.
’... But you know... I’m not truly that fond of her, right?’
"....."
Again, she confirmed it yet with a less energetic sensation.
’Even though. You also know... We both do. That the way we are, either of us would still not let her get hurt. Or anybody if we can help it...’
We are not superwomen but... If it’s in our hands... Of course everyone’s safety is a must. Justice comes in many shapes. So we will get justice somehow...
’Although... If it’s Paul’s case...’
"~~..."
’Oh~ that’s good. So we are on the same wavelength on this one, huh? He can just "f*ck himself", right?’
"~~~"
Nice. This girl is clearly getting better.
’Sigh~ Well, this is a relief... I... I kind of worry about us having different ideas and intentions... Becoming one soul... I think the more synchronised we are, the faster it will happen. And I think it’s been working quite well lately, don’t you think so?’
Reincorporating ourselves to let our back rest on the chair, more relaxed this time, I turned our lazy head on the seat to look outside as we once did blankly.
The vast sky with a peek of the colours of terrenal nature the Duchy had around looked extremely relaxing... Or maybe I felt it was like that since the contrast of this tranquil ambience my quiet room has compared to the tense and troubling AND stressful one we had at the corridor was too great...
Thinking about the difference... Now other thoughts naturally came to mind. About the last glance I had of that one guy that somehow felt amiss when his back was given to me. Going off with the mister... While I was left behind... Here. So I can "rest".
’I wonder... Will he go back after talking with your father?... I... We kind of... Just bowed at each other when he followed the mister...’
"....."
’Yeah... I also wouldn’t like that to be how we said our last goodbye...’
It saddens me... I wanted to have that last cup of tea together...