Chapter 204: Fears
His question was a heavy one, and my mouth couldn’t move to answer. The only thing I could do was lower my gaze to his big hand, palming my stomach.
I haven’t had much thought about having children. The last time I did was when Drevon said the numbers would increase naturally.
The thought of having a baby with Drevon brought warmth to my heart, but it also put me on edge.
A knock came at the door, and Diana walked in.
"There, make sure you finish everything." She handed the cup, and the heavy smell of medicine coming from it made my stomach turn.
"I’ll take it from here..." Drevon took the cup in my place.
"That’s a relief. Knowing Eloise, she will discard it somewhere without drinking."
"It smells so bad!" I defended myself.
I sounded like a child, but I didn’t care, as long as I didn’t drink that thing.
Diana sighed like she had had enough of my complaints. "If you need anything, just let me know. Drevon, I trust you will take care of our girl."
Good, she was gone. I can appeal to my husband.
"Drevon, I don’t think I can—" I couldn’t finish as Drevon grasped my jaw and kissed me.
I moaned, but then my eyes widened in horror when I felt the taste of the brew. I struggled, but he was determined.
I successfully pushed him away, coughing, feeling like my poor tongue would come off.
"That’s better." He grasped my chin and licked the corner of my lips to take the stain off, sucking my mouth too. "The bitter taste will be gone in any moment."
I didn’t know if I should hit him or go back to kissing him. He smirked like he could read my mind, and I rolled my eyes, choosing to stay calm.
I’m extremely exhausted after doing nothing the whole day. It was awfully similar to the time of my ailment. I still couldn’t believe I was pregnant.
"Eloise."
I grew tense. "I haven’t answered your question, have I?"
"That’s not what I was about to say. I wanted to strip and bathe you. May I?"
"I’m sure you’re curious about my thoughts. You seem to be happy that I’m with child."
"Should I not be happy?"
I pinned him with a soft gaze. "You have every right to be happy, dearest... I’m just..."
"Eloise," he said softly. "You know you can tell me anything, even though I can feel your emotions, I want to know what’s on your mind."
I surrendered completely because I didn’t want to deal with this alone. Months ago, I’d have shut him out. I grew up independent and believe that nothing good came from opening up to someone. But that was until I married Drevon, and he became my home where I could cry and lean on.
"When I saw how happy you were about the news, I realized I had never given you anything."
"What do you mean?"
"You have given me so much, Drevon and I—What have I given you except this?"
"You gave me your heart."
"That’s—"
"You had walls, taller than anything I have ever seen. At first, I thought you were playing hard to get, but as I got to know you, I realized those walls were made to protect yourself. You were so alone as I was, and even though I brought down mine to accept you, yours remain steadfast."
"Was I that difficult?"
"I can’t put that in words, my love."
I frowned and demanded. "Why?!"
He laughed. "Oh, Eloise, you have no idea how tough you are."
"Well..." I shrugged. "If I weren’t, it would have given anyone the chance to destroy me. Don’t forget I was just a human girl who lives in a castle filled with flesh-eating beasts!"
He pulled me down so that I could rest against his chest. "You didn’t just give me your heart, you gave me everything I never thought I could have. You gave me a soul."
"Is that enough?" I asked.
"There is no need to measure your worth to me, because you will always be enough; there is no end to it. You chose me; you had every reason to change your choice." He stroked my neck where his mark was like a reminder. "You choosing me is the greatest gift you have ever given me."
"Of course I’ll always choose you. Always."
A slow smile crept on his lips, and I felt like I could touch the heavens if I wanted to.
"But this is just the surface of my worries."
"Okay then, tell me more."
"You have been working all day, maybe you should rest—"
"I’m all ears, my love, sleep can wait."
I clenched his jacket tightly. "The news scared me more than it made me happy. I thought of my mother and what she went through, how she rotted away before she died. W-Will that happen to me—"
"I’ll never let that happen, do you understand me?"
"We cannot be sure, it’s already worse that the baby don’t have a heartbeat. What if I’m dying? Or the baby is—"
"No!"
"Drevon."
"If this baby attempts to take you from me, then I don’t want it."
I gasped at his words. "Y-You don’t mean that, you can’t—"
"Your life is worth more to me than anything."
"It’s our baby!" I stood. "How could you say such a thing?"
"I’m being honest with you."
"Honest? You sound like you don’t care about it. Is my life more precious? What if the baby is born and you love me more? If that happens and—and—"
"I’ll love you both equally, but you’ll always come first because you’re my wife. I’ll love and cater for this baby, give it the world if I have to, but you’re the one who gave it life, and you’re my priority!"
My lips trembled. The storm of mixed emotions was too much. Gosh! I overreacted.
What is wrong with me?
My fears are spiking, and I don’t think I can face them all.