Chapter 56: what to do
Chapter 55
Jack
I finally close my laptop and look at Nolan.
My finished cup of hot chocolate, now cold, sits abandoned on the table. And there he is still planted in that chair across from me like some guilty student called to the principal’s office.
Is Nolan aware that he can just, I don’t know... leave?
I don’t hold him here against his will. Not with chains. Not with words. Hell, I haven’t even spoken to him in the last ten minutes.
But he stays.
The corner of my mouth twitches, and I hide my amusement, leaning back in my chair.
"You planning to camp out there all night?" I ask, casual.
He looks at me, irritated, his eye twitching like it always does when he’s trying not to explode.
"You asked me to stay," he bites out.
"Hmmmnn." I tap my fingers on the table, slow, deliberate. Let the sound dig under his skin.
"Did I?" I say, tilting my head, pretending to think.
His jaw tightens, and his eyes burn with fury; seriously, he makes it so easy.
"Well, I’m leaving now," he mutters, pushing back his chair.
I chuckle and raise my hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. Sit."
He hesitates, glaring at me, but sits anyway, shoulders stiff.
"So, Nolan," I say lightly, "what do you want to do?"
He blinks at me, puzzled. "...Do?"
"Yes, do."
"What do you mean?" His brows furrow.
"Like in life. When you were a kid—big plans? Dreams?"
"Uhm..." He looks down at his hands.
I wait, patient. "Everyone wants to be something," I prod gently. "Even little doggies."
Silence stretches. The only sound is the tick of the clock and the faint crash of waves outside.
Finally, his voice comes, quiet. "I don’t know."
"That can’t be, little doggy. Everyone wants to be something," I say.
Silence.
"I guess... not really. I’ve always— I don’t know—never thought of it," he mutters, avoiding my gaze.
"Well, now you’ve got homework." My tone softens. "I need you to think about it. I know Ciel has always wanted a home, to be a homemaker and everything. I can’t pretend to understand what you’ve gone through, but he’s content in a way. I just don’t know about you, Nolan."
He scoffs, looking off to the side. "Why do you care?"
I lean forward, resting my forearms on the table, watching his face. "I don’t know. Maybe because you’re the man I love’s soulmate and best friend. My son’s other father—"
"Your son." He cuts me off, his voice sharp.
"I’m the godfather, remember?" I answer calmly. "And in all the legal documents, Lanny is
my son."He doesn’t respond right away. His jaw tightens, eyes flicking away.
"And because," I add softly, "believe it or not, I care about you."
The silence stretches. His fingers twitch against his knee, like he’s trying to ground himself.
***
Nolan
I don’t know what to feel, seriously.
I look at Jack opposite me.
Fuck him.
Why the fuck would he ask that.
And he’s serious. He’s actually looking at me like he expects an answer, like I’ve got some hidden ambition tucked away in my back pocket, ready to whip out.
Man, I don’t fucking know what I want to be. I’ve never thought about it. Never let myself think about it.
I’ve just always had one wish in my life.
And that’s for Ciel to be safe.
That’s it. That’s the start and the end of everything. The reason I swallowed down humiliation when I had to, the reason I put myself through hell, the reason I stayed alive when I didn’t even want to—Ciel.
I clench my fists in my lap, nails biting into my palms. It’s pathetic, isn’t it? Some people dream about careers, houses, families. I just dreamt about keeping one person breathing. Keeping him out of cages. Keeping his smile alive.
And now... we’re here. Safe, at least for the moment. He’s alive, laughing, holding his kid. The thing I’ve prayed for every damn night is finally real.
So why the hell do I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down at nothing?
My throat feels tight. I want to tell Jack, that’s all I want. That Ciel is everything I’ve ever lived for. That there isn’t a Nolan without him. But I don’t.
I just glare at Jack instead, because it’s easier to be angry than it is to be honest.
Angrily I stand up and storm out of his office.
I don’t even know where I’m going—just away. Away from his damn voice, his damn questions, his damn everything.
With these new emotions clawing at my chest, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to name them. If I name them, they become real, and I can’t let that happen.
Fuck Jack.
Fuck him.
Fuck his handsome looks, the kind that make strangers turn their heads and smile without realizing it.
And fuck his stupid fucking kind nature, the way he slips it in between the teasing and the smirks. The way he cares. The way he’s so goddamn fucking genuine.
***
Jack
"Did you guys argue?" Ciel asks from my lap, voice soft but curious.
We’re curled up together on the couch, his legs draped across mine like he owns the space—and honestly, he does. Across the room Nolan’s a storm of movement, clearing the table like the plates personally offended him. His shoulders are stiff, his jaw set.
"No," I say, tightening my arm around Ciel’s waist. My thumb strokes idle circles against his side. "We didn’t argue."
"Then why does he look like that?" Ciel tilts his head, golden eyes following Nolan like a hawk. His fingers slip through my hair, tugging gently.
"I don’t know." I shrug, keeping my voice light. "When does the little doggy ever not look like that?"
Ciel gives me a look, pinches my cheek—hard enough to make me grunt.
"Don’t be mean." He says, but there’s a flicker of amusement behind his eyes.
"What happened, Jack?" he asks again, quieter this time.
I hesitate, still stroking Ciel’s side. "Nothing. We talked. Maybe I pushed a little too hard."
"Pushed?"
I glance down at him, then back at the kitchen doorway. "Told him to think about what he wants. In life. Just... basic stuff."
Ciel blinks, a soft frown tugging at his mouth. "You really think that’s basic for him?"
I don’t answer.
Because even as I hold Ciel close, my eyes are on the kitchen, where Nolan’s shadow moves back and forth.