Sheng Kuang calmly repeated the words Han Fengyan had spoken that year, word for word.
His expression was serene, almost numb, as if the events he described had nothing to do with him.
Sheng Kuang was not one for lengthy speeches; he used as few words as possible when recounting the past.
But the story was so heavy. Lin Jing didn't know how he managed to stay so calm. By the time she heard the end, her heart was pounding with fear, and her fingertips trembled uncontrollably.
She had known Sheng Kuang for a while. She had stayed at his place with Chen Jing and Lan Bowen for an entire summer and could tell their friendship was genuine.
She had also met Han Fengyan once and could see the deep animosity the three of them held for him.
She knew something must have happened between them, something serious, but she had never imagined it would involve a life.
Could Sheng Kuang be blamed for October's suicide?
Perhaps not entirely.
But could he be completely absolved?
As he had said, if he hadn't acted impulsively then, if he had believed Yang Yu once, if he had let Yang Yu leave, perhaps October wouldn't have died, and Lan Bowen wouldn't have been forced to retire. Lin Jing desperately wanted to comfort Sheng Kuang, but she found herself at a loss for words in this situation.
She opened her mouth several times, but each time, the words felt inappropriate and she swallowed them back.
The room was silent. Sheng Kuang didn't speak for a long time. Lin Jing suddenly regretted hearing all of this. It wasn't that she didn't want to understand Sheng Kuang better, but she couldn't bear to see him cruelly reopen his own wounds.
Sheng Kuang stared blankly for a while, then, with downcast eyes, he spoke again, "Later—"
"Sheng Kuang," Lin Jing interjected subconsciously.
Sheng Kuang turned to look at her.
Lin Jing met his gaze, her eyes slowly filling with tears. "Don't say it."
Her voice trembled slightly, laced with a plea. "Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?"
Sheng Kuang looked at her for a few seconds, then reached out and gently brushed away a tear that escaped her eye. "It's okay, I'm not hurting."
"I'm not lying to you, I really don't hurt."
As if afraid she wouldn't believe him, he placed his hand on her head, gently rubbing it for a moment before pulling it back and continuing his story.
Sheng Kuang had not said a word in response to Han Fengyan's accusations.
He didn't know when Han Fengyan left. All he knew was that when he finally came to his senses, his throat felt incredibly uncomfortable, as if something was stuck there. He wanted to spit it out, but couldn't. He could only endure it.
Given how big the incident was, Sheng Kuang didn't know how Yang Yu managed it, but the news was suppressed within the club and never spread.
Yang Yu was the one who appeased October's family. Sheng Kuang didn't know how much money was given.
Chen Jing was close to him and, even without Sheng Kuang saying it, would often act on his behalf. After the incident, Chen Jing didn't go to see Lan Bowen first. Instead, he went to October's side. Chen Jing privately helped a lot and also gave a sum of money. Only after confirming that October's situation was stable did he go to Lan Bowen.
Yang Yu also arrived around the same time. Yang Yu proposed they all talk together.
It was Sheng Kuang's first time entering Lan Bowen's hospital room, but as soon as he entered, Lan Bowen asked him to leave.
The final discussion was only between Yang Yu, Lan Bowen, and Chen Jing.
Although Sheng Kuang was not present, Chen Jing later relayed the details to him.
Chen Jing said that Yang Yu was shameless. He claimed the club didn't want to make October's suicide public, but if it did, Sheng Kuang would be the most affected. He asserted that if he hadn't stopped Sheng Kuang, October wouldn't have died.
He claimed to have voice recordings on his phone, and if they were leaked online, Sheng Kuang would be ruined.
He offered to delete the recordings and bury the matter forever, but on the condition that Chen Jing would be sold, Sheng Kuang would not play, and Sheng Kuang would have to stay with GDT for two years, with no possibility of contract termination.
Of course, Yang Yu wasn't being altruistic. His condition was that they shouldn't interfere with him and Han Fengyan.
Chen Jing, while cursing Yang Yu and Han Fengyan, told Sheng Kuang that he agreed to be sold.
Chen Jing also said that Yang Yu had indeed deleted the recordings, and October's matter was considered over.
Chen Jing concluded by saying that before Yang Yu left, he asked Lan Bowen, "You and I had the best relationship, why did you later become close with Sheng Kuang and Chen Jing? Even taking that chair for Sheng Kuang to shield him from your blame?" Lan Bowen replied, "Because I'm older, my back has always been uncomfortable, and I couldn't play professionally for much longer. Sheng Kuang is different; his professional career is just beginning. Older players are always afraid of being surpassed by new ones, but for this industry to flourish, there must always be new generations rising up."
Lan Bowen added that, broadly speaking, this was about legacy. On a smaller scale, a professional player who competed seriously should fall, if they must fall, honorably on the field, not through the underhanded schemes of someone like Yang Yu.
Sheng Kuang remained silent, as if he had lost his voice. Despite everything Chen Jing had said, he uttered not a sound.
Finally, feeling an unbearable discomfort in his throat, something surging upwards, he abruptly stood up and went into the restroom.
Closing the door, he rushed to the sink and spat out a mouthful of blood.
Looking at the blood in the basin, he saw October, and then he saw Lan Bowen.
He gripped the edge of the sink, his face deathly pale, his entire body trembling so violently that he almost collapsed to his knees.
"I don't know how I endured that agony at the time," Sheng Kuang said, his voice low, his eyes cast down. "But after that day, I learned one word."
"Endure."